Saturday, March 25, 2006
just posting these songs as i've just discovered them by an artiste called Cosima. the lyrics are really close to the heart. truly beautiful songs which makes me cry everytime i hear them,...
Painted on My Heart:
i thought you'd be out of my mind
and i'd finally find a way
to learn to live without you
i thought it ws just a matter of time
'til i had a hundred reasons
not to think about you, but it's just not so
after all this time i still can't let go
Chorus:
i've still got your face painted on my heart
drawn upon my soul
etched upon my memory, baby
and i've still got your kiss still burning on my lips
your touch on my fingertips
this love so deep inside of me, baby
i've still got your face painted on my heart
painted on my heart
i've tried everything that i can
to get my heart to forget you
but it just can't seem to
guess it's just no use
in every part of me there's still a part of you
(chorus)
something in your eyes keeps haunting me
and i try to escape you
and i know there's just no way to
no way to chase you from my mind
(chorus)
---------------------------------------------
I Just Wanna Cry:
don't think of you as much as i used to
since we've been apart i don't miss you
don't dream of youthe way that i did before
i learned to live my life without you
i don't really need you anymore, but
Chorus:
i just wanna cry
when i see you walking by
i just wanna die
hurts so bad inside
but i just smle
and you'll never see it show
'coz i'll never let you know
i've moved on
i barely remember
all those times we shared together
now that you're gone
all my time is mine alone
i can do anything i want to
i feel so much better on my own, but
(chorus)
don't think i'm sad because it's over
i'm more than happy on my own
i'm finally over you
i don't need you, but
(chorus)
don't think of you
as much as i used to
i do not deny i still love him... but i could nv allow myself to b in an abusive relationship. it goes against my principles... i'm forvever encaptured by him... as contradicting as this may sound.
i really thought we'd last. i must let go,...
changed at 5:19 AM__________
Friday, August 26, 2005
gosh,.... 2dae was e start of my prelims!!!! english,........... hahas,... it was,.... okaaaaay,.... juz that e vocab part was really tough,..... hahs!!! neways,.. chinese is on Monday!!!! sooooo gt jia you!!!! :)
i dunno wad i did 2dae,.... i was juz soooooo shagged out by everything that i let a day slip by!!!! o no,..... i needed today for my chinese revision,.. haiz..... guess tmr i gt start real early to make up,.....
dunno wad's happening,...... feel like my body's breaking down on me....... lord, keep me strong i pray!!!! i can do all things through Christ hu strengthens me!!! yes i can,....
recently composed a song!!!! its my second composition in this lifetime,..... so far at least,... best thing of all,.... its a CHRISTIAN song!!! yay!!!! i wrote it when i felt really trapped!!!! tired out,........ but,...... judging from those who have heard it so far,...... its a fairly nice tune!!!! hahas,.. but i personally feel the tune needs abit of help!!! maybe major help,.. hahas.,.... i've recorded it on e piano n vocals seperately... hahas,...... nice!!!! feel really accomplished!!!! i'm kinda thinking of using a personally somposed song for my level's performance during YC this yr,.... maybe,..... but it sure needed help.,.. hahas,..., a song which conveys how we stood strong in times of trouble,..... i song full of tears,..... n hurt,...... but of renewal,.. of refreshment,.. :)
hahas,... think i'm going crazy,.... n miss church LOADS!!!!!!!!! i miss e fellowship, miss everyone,... but most of all,..... I MISS PRAISING E LORD!!!! i can only do it in my quiet times,..... which are actualy e times when mum's nt hm,... which is a veri rare occurence!!!! haiz,......... y do my parents nt let me go to church??? they r baptised ,... both!!! whereas,.. i have nt,.... yet,.... i still wanna go,..... they say studies to b over anything else,...... but pls,.. this is my religion,.. sumthing nt juz a facet of this world,... it is real,... God is beyond reality!!! he's e creator of all things!!! without him,. there'd b no me,.... mum n dad,... or even studies!!! y y y???? help me understand,.... they say he's understand,.. but i cant!!! argh,....
there r sooooo many worries,...... tooo many to handle,..... dunno if i can pull thru Os this yr,..... it'd b a miracle!!! haiz,........... i guess thats wad its suppose to b,.. a miracle,....
guess this IS a test of my faith,... sumthing that'd really either make or break me as a christian,.... well,... i hope its e first,.... :)
k,... gtg,........ hope everyone else is doing fine out there,.... -God Bless!-
changed at 8:16 PM__________
changed at 4:59 AM__________
Friday, August 05, 2005
hahas,.. helo my dear blog!!! gosh!!!! ur so pathetic,.. LOL!!!! no tagboard even!!! nvm,.... all can b arranged AFTER Os!!! rmb!!! studies comes first,... yes it does!!!
yesterdae read johnson's blog, such a sad sad sad entry!!!! i cried!! do u noe that???? hahas,.. coz i can sympathise, i gt a dog too k!!! sadness,.. jelly's gonna b put to slp,... poor guy,.... he seems soooo upset!!! wish there was sumthing i cud do,... but, i'm in no power,... haiz!!!
tmr i'm gonna watch CHARLIE N E CHOCOLATE FACTORY!!!!! YAY!!! all thx to mr rubbish talker, aka jonah,... hahas!!!!! finally!!!! after waiting sooo long!!!!! then,... i'm gonna haf my clique over at my hse!!! for study gp cum testing jolene's cooking!! coz her Os for FnN prac is on mondae,.. so we're letting her try her culinary skills on us!! hahas,.. n we'll b studying while she is cooking!!! wad a good way of spending our time right??? hahahas,.... i'm soooo msart!! ego!!!LOL,.... gosh, i'm rubbish talking now,..
guess wad??? 2dae mrs yeo isnt arnd!! so, i'm currently using her lesson to type this entry!!! hahas,...... i hate maths! its sux big time!!! hu agrees???? LOL,...
k,.... kinda hyper now actualy,.. LOL,..... dunno,.. i guess i'm all excited at e prospect of watching e movie!!!! o,.. n FESTIVAL OF PRAISE starts 2dae!!!! i gt e "tix" or wadeva u call it frm 77th street,.. they gave it to me,..... i wanna go n see wad is it like!!!!! but... dun think mum'll allow,.. n i haf no one to go with!!!! ahh,.... its till this sundae,... only three daes!!! omg,.... i wanna go,......
there's soooo many things i wanna do now!!! haiz,. but time doesnt seems to b on my side,... Os r like,... sprinting nearer!!!! o no,... soooo FAST!!! hahas,..... but at least,....... its nt here yet,.. in a way,...
i've been working real hard to improve my subjs n guess wad?? i gt 26.5 upon 30 for chem bio test!!!! highest in class,... also25.5 upon 30 for bio!!! also highest in class,... BUT those r like,.. 2 tests out of a whoe lot more others,.. sooo its kinda pathetic,... BUT I'M TRYING!!!! hahas,.. wish me luck!!! i've been spending tonnes of time on my math recently,.. hopefully,... i'll improve my sucky subjs!!!! haiz,.. combines humans n maths!!!! gross!!!! i suck at those,.....
i'm,...... hyper!!! LOL..... ok,... i beta go n chill sumwhere,.... will write another time!! (dunno when's e nxt time tho,.. but b a long way off,.. hahas!!)
bye bye my dear blog!!!!! chaoz!!!
-God Bless- "Lord, strengthen me i pray.."
changed at 1:53 PM__________
Friday, July 08, 2005
GOSH!!! 2dae's such a HOT HOT HOT DAe!!!! cant take it,... dying here,..
life at hm's real tough,... dunno wad's happening,... mum saed " y muz u make our lives sooooo MISERABLE???!!!" omg,... that really hurt me real bad!!! to tell truthfully,.. when i heard that,.. e first thing that came to mind was to run away,... i'm serious,... how pathetic,... but!!! i managed to calm myself b4 doing anything drastic n silly,.... do i really make their lives miserable!!!??? she saed she gives up on me... washing her hands clean of me,... am i that detestable??? its like i cant even haf a civilised tok with her anoymore,... my heart really aches,... y??? am i incorrigable??? haiz,..
been sick for e past 2 daes,..... weird fever,... going on n of,.... making me break out in cold sweat,... weird!!! n mum doesnt believe that i'm sick,... she's saes i'm pretending,.. maybe its coz she doesnt care anymore.... wad happened??? y's she doing this to me??? she's MY MOTHER for ***'s SAKE!!! omg,...... dunno wad's happening,....
hormones have been getting out of control recently,... dunno whether izit juz eye candy??? or izit i really like ****..... weird,...... n then, there's **, i still veri much love him....its sooooooo hard to tell myself that this cant go on,... even emily saed he's a good man,... i agree wholeheartedly...... but i guess,... studies haf to come first.... hormones r weird!!! making my heart jump non-stop for weird reasons,..... really miss his touch tho,... wish i cud hug him... but i noe i cant... heart's breaking,,,... trying to get over it,..... hard!!!
life's weird,..... that's all i can sae,..... my air-con died on me,.. so sad!!!! n summore,... S'pore's SOOOOOO HOT!!!!! gosh,... e heat's killing me,...
is she a jekyll n hyde??? or izit juz a figment of my imagination??? i hope its e second option,,... wad if its not???? sooooo many r gonna b hurt,.... veri troubled by this,.... sumtimes i juz wish i was oblivious n stupid,.. ignorant to my surroundings,.... nv reading body languages n innuendos,.....
really really really veri tired now.,.... fell like i need to break down.... can sumone lend my a shoulder to cry on???? trying to stay strong.,...
hope things between mum n i will get beta,.... coz it'll affect her health,... hope dad's getting beta oso,......
really hope ***** will open up n tell me wad's going on,.. maybe he is,.. but i'm juz soo troubled by other stuff to see e picture,... feel really bad,.....he saes he may see me during e anniversary dinner,... i sure hope so,.... juz wanna noe he's fine,....
y r things sooooo complicated???
really appreciate my frenz tho,... thx for always being there 4 me,...
haiz,... well,... i guess i gtg,..... *CHAO!!* -God Bless-
changed at 4:45 PM__________
Friday, July 01, 2005
its been a really long time since i last blogged,... gosh!!! really need to do sumthing bout it,... but, things r soo hectic now! there's pratically no time,.. haiz,... neways,...
farewell'05 for choir's this fridae!!! OMG!!!! feel like crying,... i'm literally steeping away frm e love of my life!!! ahh!!! bought all e prezzies yesterdae tho!!!! all thx 2 shi hui!!! a GREAT fren!! luv her tonnes!!!
neways,... i bought EVERYONE prezzies!!! couldnt resist it!!! coz i;m gonna miss every single TINY detail of CHOIR!!!! GOSH!!!! e tears r flowing!!! aha,... i think e funniest ones will b e ones for my sec ones!!! i bought them BABY BIPS!!! n i'm writing "Choir's BABY" on e front!!!! iznt that CUTE??? hahas,... i think it suits them veri well as they'd always b e choir's babies to me.... *SOBX!!!*
well well,.. besides that,... e farewell theme is PUNK!!! siao~~~ how to dress punk??? i'm sooooo non-punkish!! hahas,.. all e sec 4s almost killed e juniors LOL!!!! but i guess,.. that's e fun of it all!!!! really excited!!!!! yet reluctant for it to come,... coz that'll mean e end of my choir journey with e SN CHOIR!!! GOSH!!! LOVE U GUYZ LOADS!!!!! ur rawk my SOX!!! hahas,...
on another note,... e mock exams haf started!!! tmr's gonna b my english mock~! n i dunno howta prepare for it!!! ah!!!,.... well,...... the weeks b4 n ahead r tough!!!! on e average,.. its about 6 tests/exams per week!!!! ahh!!!!!!! dying here.//// really need ta stay strong,. but my body seems to b giving way!!!!! wad's happening??? -.- sadness..
well,... i really miss yy loads,... howeva!! studies MUZ come first,.... gosh!!!! e tug of e heart-strings!!! wad'll happn nxt??? i dun even noe!!!
reminisence has settled in for me,... many sad stuff r flooding back,.... but i dun want them to!!! many things that r happening now seems to b history repeating itself!!! n mind u,.. they arent happy thots at all!!!! its like,... they've come back to haunt me!!! ahh,.. nightmares,... y??? ahh,.....i hate being reminding of my past life,.... it was pathetic!!!
y do we always feel left out sum way or another??? haiz,.. it always seems so,... even things R beta,.... its nt them or anyone,... i think it's LIFE!!! sure kinda sux,...haiz,.. i guess its coz of my past n life experiences that i can nv go back e other way n b a diff person,... there muz b sum reason behind all this,... i guess i juz havent seen or found it yet,....sad case... maybe they hate me for my guts!!!!! i think it runs in my family,... dao meh!!!
there was a misunderstanding of me a few mths back,..... i was injustly wronged,..... n my fren helped me sort it out by being e mediator,.... howeva,.... e nxt time i saw e frens which wrong me,... they NV saed a word of sry!!!!! that broke my heart.,... i mean,.. till now they havent saed anything.,.. NT A WORD OF E SITUATION AT ALL!!!! is this evidence of their guilt??? understandable,.. but PL:S!!! SAE SUMTHING ABOUT IT!!! ur hurt me real bad n expect me to juz put it behind me n heal???? thats like throwing me in e dump!!!,.... despite all this,.. i still gt show ur that i'm happy,.. yes!! i AM happy that things have gotten beta,... but a word of sry would heal my hurt,..... now,.,. i'm broken,...... haiz,.... people seem to take other for granted BIG time!!! sad sad case,..
that was a little part of me buried deep down in me..... i try to forget it everidae,..... but i seem to fail everytime.....
things R hard now,.... but i'll cope!!! bo worries bout that......
Lord, keep me strong i pray,...
-God Bless!!!-
changed at 12:51 AM__________
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
hahas,..... life's improving!!! frm being wronged, to feeling juz right at hm,.... i'm really glad things worked out fine,.. juz hope it doesnt fizzle out n i get taken for granted again,... it really hurts,.....
anyways,.... I'VE BEEN RECEIVING WISHES FRM SO MANY PEOPLE!!!!! yay!!!! hahas,... really made my week,.... a hectic week,.. but, i love it!!!!! 2dae, a really unexpected person wish me!!!! it was pecky!!! OMG!!!!! i was sooooo touched,.... man, i havent met him in such a long time liaoz,.. but he still wished me!!!! hahas,... thx janis, ivan, pecky, everyone else hu's wished me!!!!! i'm really honoured n touched!!!! really appreciate it man!!! luv u all!!!! hahas,...
but,... there's a sumone that i really wish wud noe how i feel,... haiz,... i guess, its for e beta that i dun tell him,... ( wo hai shi ai ta),... man,... but,.. Os has to come first!!!! sad,..... n i'm shicked that erika actually wished me luck 4 chinese Os,.... wad a surprise!!!!!
hahas,... cant believe that i'm gonna turn 16 in,... 45 mins time!!!!!!!!!! OMG!!!!!!!! so fast!!!!!!!!!!!! hahas,.... sweet sixteen!!!! yay!!! hahas,.. i juz feel really very BLESSED now,... luv everyone around me,..... luv choir, my frenz, thou hu shall not b mentioned n my family!!! bro n sis n coming back soon!!!! miss them,, even tho i hate ta admit it,....
man!!!! i cant WAIT for SATURDAE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! gonna go to da beach early in da morning with my church pals!!!! gonna play there till we get badly burnt,. then we'll make our way down to church for a popiah fiesta at 3pm!!!!! n then,.. we'd go out at night for MARCHE!!! at heeren,... arnd 7.30pm!!!! yay!!!! n guess wad???? i get to treat them all!!!!! hahas!!!!! so cool!!!hahas,...
i'm EXCITED EXCITED EXCITED!!!!!!!! hahas,... hopefully, things'll work out juz fine,....... I LOVE EVERYONE!!!!! lol,... i think i'm high,.... hahas!!!!
hahas!!! thank you GOD for blessing me with such wonderful frenz!!!!!! i'm truly blessed!!!!!! ........ -GodBless!!!!- *ciao!!!* cheers~~~~~!!!!! :)
changed at 11:15 PM__________
Saturday, May 21, 2005
wad's e definiton of a true fren,.. i thought it was sumone who would be there for you whenever you needed them n of coz if they're free,.... but,... it seems, frenz tok behind one another's backs,.... that's like,.... back-stabbing!!! n i hate it,... how bout e fact that frenz shud always b truthful n honest with you??? well,.. i doesnt seen so anymore,..
yesterdae i found out that for almost one n a half yrs,... my clique has been toking behind my back... they've been discussing me,... let's see,... they think i'm very contradicting!!! well,.... as it seems,... it's coz,.. it's a total bloody misunderstanding!!!! e fact that when they suspected it,.. they NEVER cleared it u0p with me!!! n they juz let it keep on growing,.. all e doubts about me,... wad's this?? what kinda frenz r you all??? never being truthful to me,.. this really hurts me badly,...
n of coz,.. with all this suspicion n all,... i sorta got alienated frm the clique.wad's this??? a theory based on no grounds at all??? it definitely does not give me my rights!!! speculating about me,.. wad for??? i'm juz sooooooo deeply hurt now,... how can we be frenz in this manner then??? it's juz such a sad case,... pathetic in fact,...
they really let me down man,... juz juz juz STOP holding things frm me!!! if u think i'm an idiot, say so!!! dun juz keep it to yourselves,... if u think i suck, say so!!! wad's with all e secrecy???? argh!!! i'm juz so frustrated with them!!! i give up man,...
go n reflect on urselves man,... why have ur wornged me when i'm onnocent??? i may sound contradicting coz u NEVER ask ME why??? how can u all deprive me of my rights n speculate bout me behind me back???? such back-stabbers, it hurts me so much,...
fine!!! i'm insensitive, i'm a bitch, i'm ......... call me wadeva u like!!! i dont care anymore!!!! i'm juz soooooo fed-up with everything now!!!! sum kinda frenz ur call urselves,.....
changed at 1:53 PM__________
heyzies!!!! havent been blogging in a real LONG time,.... been real bz man,..... haiz, nvm!!! time to update!!!
todays e first dae of my broadband experience!!! hahas,.. yeps!!! juz got my broadband after 3 mths of waiting!!!! yay!!!!!! it's like,..... 512 kbps n my old dial up was like,.... 56 bps!!!! wth!!!! lol,.... yeps,.. so now,.. life's in e fastlane!!!
well,... my cheerleading chapter has closed,... we got in 2nd !!! its real sad i muz sae,... coz we really practiced however, i did find out that we were likfe,.. 2 digits lesser than e 1st!!! so,.. we still rocked e show man!!!! really happy bout that,... i really miss cheerleading now,.... n i'll never regret my decisions to stay on e squad despite spraining my ankles,.... yeppies!!!
so,... i've sprained my ankles, knees n back,... but hey!!! it's ok,... they'll heal,... i've got an MC for 6 mths!!! till 1st nov for not doing PE/Sports/napfa..... lol!!! really funni huh??? call me stupid if you like,... but, no regrets!!!definitely,...
currently, there's actually sumthing really bothering me badly about,.. but,.. haiz,.... i'm in no mood to blog it now,.. maybe, tmr,..... we'll see how,.....
k, gtg!!! bb my dearie blog,.... 9 daes to Chines Os!!!!!! argh!!!!!! - God Bless!!!!-
changed at 1:15 PM__________
